You Break his Skull, I'll Crack 'Em in 2
by Agent R
Summary: Richie finds out Amber's working in a wrestling area called Bloody Palace, and is knocked for a loop when they both knock Duncan out. Very funny, please read and review.


You Break his skull, I'll crack 'em in 2  
  
"Mac, have you seen Amber?" Richie asked.  
  
"3 days in a hotel, and you two are acting like a couple of fools, no I haven't seen her all day. How come?" Duncan asked.  
  
"I haven't seen her since last night, and earlier I thought I heard the shower in her room, but n one answered afterwards," Richie said.  
  
"Rich..."  
  
Duncan pointed behind him, Richie turned around to see Amber standing in the doorway.  
  
"Amber, where were you?" Richie asked.  
  
"Shower."  
  
"For 2 hours?" Richie asked.  
  
"Hey, you go on the road for 6 months without a shower, you can't exactly freshen up in 10 minutes," Amber said.  
  
"What'd you do? Shower in a bucket of chicken grease?" Duncan inhaled, "you smell like a cheesy diner."  
  
"Yeah, no kidding, last night I went out for a walk, came across this guy at a gas station, the guy reaks of motor oil, cigarettes, and deep fat fry oil, I think it rubbed off on me," Amber said.  
  
"Apparently that's not the only thing, you also seem to reak of--------eewww, some cheap, bad, mens calonge," Duncan said.  
  
"What are you? A blood hound?" Richie asked.  
  
After hours of senseless arguing, Amber left for her suite, and not long afterwards, Methos came in with a flyer.  
  
"Look at this, some fancy wrestling place has opened up down on Moreller Lane, a bunch of 400 pound brutes who dont' shave their stomachs, come in and take on the hosts, and it says they're taking on just about anyone up for the challenge," he said.  
  
Duncan snatched the flyer from Metho's hand, the Bloody Palace, open from 8 PM to 3 AM, it looked promising for a good time, but senseless for a good fight.  
  
"I can find a more promising fight with a shark in the river, than with these ogres," Duncan laughed.  
  
Richie took the flyer to get a look at it.  
  
"Looks good to me, for tonight..."  
  
Of course, he didn't say it loud enough to be heard, that night at 8:15, Richie headed down to the Bloody Palace, hoping for a good sight. Those who went for a fight sat up front and growled, those who came to watch sat in the back and dined on greasy foods, Richie headed for a table up front, but couldn't find one. A blonde woman in a short confederate uniform came down to the floor and up to Richie.  
  
"May I help you, sir?" she asked.  
  
"Yeah, I came here for a fight, but I can't find anywhere to stay until they bring them out," Richie said.  
  
"Well, you may be the first to fight, follow me."  
  
"With pleasure," Richie grinned, looking down at the lady's shorts.  
  
Richie followed the lady onto the stage and looked around.  
  
"Now what?" Richie asked.  
  
"Now, I'll go find a challegener back stage for you," she said, "and I have one in mind."  
  
"Hope they're good," Richie said.  
  
"Oh yes, they are," the woman assured him.  
  
Richie looked around and grinned, he couldn't wait to knock someone's brains out, he watched his opponent come out from backstage, and he went into shock.  
  
"AMBER!"   
  
"Hi Rich," she muttered.  
  
Richie didn't know where to begin, the fact that she was working in a place like this, the fact that you had to be at least 18 to get in either way, or the fact that her confederate fighting uniform wasn't much longer than the last woman's.  
  
"AMber what're you doing here?" he asked.  
  
"Well, I work here," Amber answered.  
  
"What?" Richie asked.  
  
"I seat people, I fight people, and then I leave at 3, it's my job," Amber said.  
  
"Amber, what're you doing working at a place like this?" Richie asked.  
  
"It's the only place that'll take me, besides, it's pretty much the only thing I can do right," Amber said.  
  
Richie chased Amber around a set of tables and dozens of chairs.  
  
"Richie, I don't need you telling me what to do, and I won't have it," Amber said.  
  
"Yeah, well I won't have a friend cheapen herself to work in some wrestling palace either," Richie said.  
  
"Well I don't have to take this," Amber said.  
  
"Neither do I," Richie replied.  
  
Richie and Amber grabbed a couple of bronze plates to bang each other over the head with, but Duncan came in and got in between them and got both hits to the head, and knocked out.  
  
"...R---Richie....."  
  
Duncan opened his eyes as the words barely left his mouth.  
  
"You're awake finally, how's your head?" Richie asked.  
  
"My head?" Duncan asked.  
  
It was then that he realized he had an ice bag on it, and it was thumping.  
  
"What happened?" Duncan asked.  
  
"You got knocked out at the Bloody Palace," Amber said.  
  
"By who?" Duncan asked.  
  
"By us," Richie and Amber answered.  
  
"How'd I get back here?" Duncan asked.  
  
"We carried you out to the truck, came back here, carried you up here, and dropped you in bed," Amber said.  
  
"Sorry," Duncan said.  
  
"Don't worry, I'm used to lugging around brutes between 4-700 pounds, what're you? 180?" Amber asked.  
  
"Somewhere around there last time I checked," Duncan groaned.  
  
"Sounds like the ice has melted, I'll be back in a minute," Amber said.  
  
"Boy, she's a pill, wouldn't you say, Richie?" Duncan asked.  
  
"I don't know, I guess...Mac, last night I found out that Amber's working at the Bloody Palace," Richie said.  
  
"What? What's she doing down there?" Duncan asked.  
  
"She said that it's the only place that'll take her, and it's the only thing she's good at," Richie said, "Mac, I don't like it, she goes down there and flips large, possibly horny men, while she is wearing some crazy confederate top, and metallic blue shorts that are as short as her boxers," Richie said.  
  
"That's not true, Rich, those shorts on her uniform are a good 4 inches longer than her boxers," Duncan said.  
  
"Huh?" Richie asked.  
  
"I got a look at them before you two stooges knocked me out," Duncan said.  
  
"I just don't get it Mac, Amber's good for a lot of things, why's she settling for this crappy job?" Richie asked.  
  
"Have you tried talking to her to find out?" Duncan asked.  
  
"I tried last night, all she said was she didn't need me telling her what to do and she wasn't going to take it," Richie said.  
  
"Maybe you should try again tonight, and this time, don't go in there so demanding like a husband, go in there like her friend, like you used to be before she took this job," Duncan suggested.  
  
"And you say you're NOT Doctor Ruth," Richie sighed.  
  
"Yeah, I.....Richie...I know there's a good chance I'm drunk out of my mind, but I wasn't wearing these clothes last night, was I?" Duncan asked.  
  
"No...On our way out of the Bloody Palace, some drunk came up to us and...he broke a bottle over his head and the blood......you get the picture," Richie explained.  
  
"Yes, but you didn't change my clothes, did you?" Duncan asked.  
  
"No, Amber did," Richie replied.  
  
"She did WHAT?" Duncan asked.  
  
Duncan shot up on the bed, and realize he wasn't even wearing the same boxers he was last night either.  
  
"I tried telling her it wouldn't be a good idea to do that, but she didn't listen, and when I tried to stop her, she tried a new wrestling move on me, the folding chair," Richie said.  
  
"The what?" Duncan asked.  
  
He had been around for over 400 years, and was familiar with quite a few wrestling moves, but he never heard of the folding chair.  
  
"Pretty simple, actually, you pick a guy up, flip him on the ground, and pin him on his torso, and pin him for the count.....1...2...3, you're out!" Amber came in.  
  
"And let me tell you, from experience, it's worse than any kick to the groin," Richie said.  
  
"You're just lucky you already CAN'T have kids, otherwise I'd taken care of that for you," Amber told him.  
  
"Amber, what's the big idea? Carrying me up the stairs I can understand, but undressing me?" Duncan asked.  
  
Duncan really felt embarrassed now, both for himself, and for Amber, but she didn't seem to show any regrets.  
  
"It's not like it'd be the first time for me, I'm used to it," Amber said.  
  
"Amber, I'd like to know why you're working down at the Bloody Palace as a....a....whatever you are," Richie said.  
  
"It's no big deal, really....just something I decided to do," Amber replied.  
  
"Yeah, but what for?" RIchie asked.  
  
"You really want to know?" Amber asked.  
  
"Yes, Amber, tell me!" Richie said.  
  
"Allright, I've got 2 jobs at night, wrestling's only one of them," Amber said.  
  
"Oh God!" Richie exclaimed.  
  
Richie could only think of what Amber's second job could be.  
  
"It's not really a job though, just something I do, after 3:00, I go see this guy for about 3 hours, and I pay him $60 a night," Amber said.  
  
"I don't want to hear anymore!" Richie exclaimed.  
  
Richie put his hands over his ears, he couldn't imagine what she'd be doing that SHE'D be the one paying, but, Amber walked over to him and unfolded his ears.  
  
"I'm going to night school, Richie," she said.  
  
"What?" Richie asked.  
  
"Night school, remember when I told you, I dropped out BEFORE I took biology? That's a 10th grade course, so...I found a guy who can teach me, but his only spare time is at night because he's a regular teacher by day. So at 3, I go over to his house, and by the end of the class, I pay him the $60. Then I come back to the hotel, making it look like I've spent the whole night, that's all, Rich," Amber said.  
  
"That's why you've been working down there? To pay for the classes?" Duncan asked.  
  
"Yeah, the job doesn't pay much, but it's enough to pay for school," Amber said.  
  
"Well, I'm glad you decided to go back, but doing this to pay for it?" Richie asked.  
  
"I don't mind, I'm used to knocking out big lugs, just last week I got into a brawl with this guy, he weighed 745 pounds, and had 2 friends, one at 450, and another at 276," Amber said.  
  
"Was it a gang?" Duncan asked.  
  
"No, they were brothers," Amber said, "I better get out of here, the hotel security's starting to get the wrong ideas about us, and Rich..."  
  
Richie went over to Amber so she could talk to him with Duncan hearing.  
  
"Rich, let me tell you, I've been taking biology at night, and Duncan is shall we say.....larger than average, as the ladies would put it?" Amber smiled.  
  
Richie turned beet red at that, he'd hate to be in Duncan's boots when he heard that.  
  
"Well what do you know?" Duncan smiled, "she's working at the Bloody Palace to pay her way through school."  
  
Well, now Richie felt like an idiot, he had publicly humiliated Amber, and gotten Duncan knocked out because of it, only to find out she took the job to pay for an education.  
  
That night, Amber was getting ready to leave for the Bloody Palace when Richie came in.  
  
"Going again?" he asked.  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"And if I try and stop you?" Richie asked.  
  
"Folding chair, Rich, folding chair."  
  
"Go right ahead," Richie opened the door.  
  
Amber left as Duncan walked in.  
  
"So, ya let her go, did ya?" Duncan laughed.  
  
"Yeah, but I pulled a few strings that I think should pay for the next few classes," Richie replied.  
  
"What've you got planned?" Duncan asked.  
  
The Bloody Palace had just opened up, a lot of brainless brutes came in for a good fight, Amber could tell she had her hands full for the night. But the real surprise caused her to freeze in her tracks backstage, Richie, Duncan, Methos and Joe came in and took a table in the middle to watch the fight.  
  
[Redstone, I'm gonna kill you,] Amber thought.  
  
Amber gritted her teeth, since she knew who to use the 'folding chair' technique on when they got back to the hotel.  
  
A lug weighing about 320 pounds stepped up to the stage, Amber came out from behind the curtains and greeted her customer with a punch to the jaw, it didn't do anything. She grabbed his feet and flipped him and stepped on his spine, then she picked him up, spun around in circles and threw him into the audience, and right into an order of grilled swordfish.  
  
Next, a guy in his 40s came up, Amber guessed his weight to be about 450 pounds, she pulled a triple threat on him, first she gouged him in the eyes, while he was occupied with that, she kicked him in the groin, then she flipped him on the ground.  
  
Last, and obviously least, up came a guy who looked about 18, weight, 190, IQ none. Amber beat him over the head with her fists, then she picked him up by his collar and punched him in the nose, sending him flying. Then, she kicked him in the stomach, and attempted open spine surgery without Demerol.  
  
During all this, the members of table #145 were cheering their heads off for Amber. Which meant Amber wasn't doing as well as she could've had they not been there, she was used to people cussing her out and throwing beer cans at her, but this...  
  
When the Palace closed at 3:00, Amber headed over to the boss, he paid the workers nightly, and Amber was shocked to see what her payment was.  
  
"This is far more than you normally pay me," she said.  
  
"I know, those four guys there said, that for every 150 pounds you beat the crap out of, they'd pay $40," he replied.  
  
"I.....oh boy, Richie, now I AM going to kill you," Amber muttered.  
  
Amber walked down the stage and over to the table, Richie got up to greet her out.  
  
"Shall we go?" he asked.  
  
Amber introduced Richie to her fist as she knocked him in the teeth, sending him out of the Palace.  
  
"What was that for?" Richie asked.  
  
"What the hell was this bet for?" Amber asked.  
  
"So you could finish school without your job always cutting in on it," Richie said.  
  
"Richie, it's $60 a night, I have in my hand $320, that's enough to keep me out of the Palace for the rest of the week," AMber said.  
  
"I know, isn't it great?" Richie asked.  
  
"I gotta admit, Ryan, you may get on my last freaking nerve, but not a lot of guys would do this for me, thanks," Amber said.  
  
After Amber walked off, Richie picked himself up out of the garbage and dusted himself off.  
  
"And I thought it'd take you 120 years before you said that," Richie said.  
  
Richie had to admit, Amber wasn't always the most pleasant person to be around, but she was a real pill when she was. 


End file.
